I think being cringy, in modern culture, has been packaged wrong. It’s been sold on the wrong shelf, in the wrong aisle, with a smudged receipt and a faulty warranty. But we’ve all bought it. And I think it’s time that we redefine cringe and get our money back.
The definition of cringe is to recoil in distaste. To be embarrassed for a person other than yourself. To have a physical reaction to something unpleasant. Therefore, to be cringy, you are the thing in which makes a person uncomfortable enough to physically recoil.
That… to me… is cruel. And another example in society where we lack A. Compassion on a deep level for other humans. B. Self awareness to understand that the world is a mirror, and if we are physically reacting to someone’s behaviour, it is usually a signal to look inward.
I believe being cringe should be repackaged into: a badge of personal growth, being courageous enough to be authentic in a world of fast trends and carbon copies, and the ability to put yourself and your own dreams first, not at the hands of judgmental eyes.
I believe that cringe should be something that we begin to strive towards, rather than repel. Most of us don’t take action on the whispers of our intuition because we fear how others will see us.
What we need to understand, is that cringe is grief from people who abandoned themselves in the pursuit of fitting in. And when we look at someone else, living through joy, posting online, being loud and authentic and messy and honest, and we are physically cringe, we should seek to understand that the feeling is often something trying to resurface that we have pushed down and silenced long ago.
For example; if you see someone laughing loudly in public or displaying overt emotion and you physically wince, maybe that is a subtle offering to look within. You could ask yourself, where does this come from? When, in my life, have I felt like I couldn’t express myself authentically? When, in my life, have I been mocked or shunned for being myself? Often, we feel these ways because we don’t feel safe in our own lives to be silly or messy or live outside the edges. There are so many rules and regulations that society has placed upon us…
Don’t sleep with too many men or you’re deemed a slag; don’t talk about money; women should be in the kitchen; men should be the breadwinners; only show tits or legs, not both, because then you’re a whore; don’t celebrate yourself openly or you’ll be labelled arrogant; don’t be too emotional; boys don’t cry. We are pack animals, desperate to fit in, and we have slowly learned through taking steps into adulthood, that the way to fit in around here is to stay agreeable and digestible, just enough, not too much. And then we judge others who break outside of the confines of these shapes because a part of us secretly wishes we were brave enough to do the same.
The zebra with different stripes is the one to get killed first. From an evolutionary standpoint, we are just seeking to survive. From a modern culture standpoint, we just want to be accepted. But at what cost? Does the pursuit of blending in with our peers strip us of the experience of being authentically ourselves?
Oftentimes, when someone makes us cringe, the reaction has less to do with them than we would like to admit. Sometimes it’s envy at witnessing a freedom we wouldn’t dare permit to ourselves. Sometimes it’s a subtle recognition. Sometimes it’s the memory of being mocked for acting in similar ways. Sometimes it’s just a silent conditioning and a pattern that is being followed.
Maybe, instead of fearing cringe, we should strive for it. Because cringe can become a sign post that you are being visible, trying new things, being authentic and living life that is outside the perimeters of what society has set for us.
Cringe has become a social punishment for people experiencing joy, choosing healing, and self expressing in ways that aren’t quiet. Being cringe is just visibility plus authenticity plus projection.
Modern culture rewards people for being nonchalant, detached, and aloof. There are point systems set in place for actions that fall under this umbrella of unbothered-ness; not being too keen; slow replies whilst dating; game playing; keeping it chill and subtle and not saying how you really feel so you don’t scare anyone off. We cosplay as someone who doesn’t care whilst judging passion, genuine excitement, spirituality and alive curiosity. Then, we deem that type of behaviour as fake.
So, i challenge you, to always look inside of yourself when you find someone else cringe. Dig deep into the whys, and understand it might be less about them than you think. Furthermore, i challenge you to strive to be more cringey because, in my opinion, that means you are living colourfully, daring to be courageous, and living life on your terms, despite the noise.
Things we don’t cringe at but we absolutely should…
- Judges, politicians, or systems protecting violent men whilst survivors carry the sentence in their lives forever.
- Men who haven’t committed to a second of self reflection in forty plus years are responsible for changing and shaping laws.
- People unable to process their emotions in a grounded way, so taking it out on their children.
- Billionaires profiting from addiction and insecurity.
- People judging someone from a mistake they made years ago, and not giving others grace to learn and grow from their own personal mishaps. (Isn’t that what mistakes are for? To learn from them?)
- Judging other people for being different.
- Being homophobic, racist, transphobic, sexist, fat-phobic, misogynistic, bigoted ect.
- Only supporting internet strangers with millions of followers over small businesses from people you actually know.
Things we find cringeworthy but should celebrate instead…
- A girl you went to school with ignores all self doubt and starts posting on social media to support her family.
- Someone trying something for the first time and being bad at it, but going back and trying again anyway.
- Someone expressing their emotions in a way that feels right for them.
- A boy sharing his art on social media, getting no engagement, but continuing to show up.
- Someone dancing terribly at a party but enjoying themselves.
- People starting from scratch and trying to make something for themselves.
- Men going against the grain and starting movements to make a difference.
Another brilliant article beth 👏